Insa
by lunash-aff
Summary: a beautiful heartbreaking story YUNJAE
1. Chapter 1

I pulled my chair and sit next to him and caress his cheeks. They're so soft and flawless like silk. I'm staring at his beautiful face. 'How can a person be so beautiful even when he's dying?' I thought.

"Jaejoongie, please recovery soon. I need you. I love you, Jaejoongie," I tell him. Even he don't say a word, but I know in every breath he takes, every second since he lied unconsiously, he answers me.

I know he hears me. He just can't say it.

'I know, Yunnie. I love you too,'

-flashback-

It was years ago, when I still in my high school. Young, and full of passion.

I got off from my red lamborghini. I was in my third grade now in Seoul High. And you know what? I was the number one kingka in this school. Not that I'm arrogant but it's so hard when you had the brain, the looks, and the most important was the money. I'm a heir of Jung Corp. And soon, after i graduate from high school, I'll take over the CEO position from my dad.

The girls were squealing as I walked graciously through them. Almost all of the population in this school loved me. No, I was not exagarrating it. That's true. My best buddy, Yoochun (the suave, dandy cassanova they said. Haha... they just didn't know what they said. Yoochun was the biggest jerk and bestest friend ever), ever told me about this and some friends in my class too. Guys wanted to be as hot as me and girls always wanted me to be getting in their pants. That's a bit scary though when I remembered how much they're obsessed with me and stalked me everywhere. But I've never even once acted like a bastard who kicked everyone's ass and rubbed shit onto their face talking about how ugly they were. I would never do that. That's why everyone loved me. But no one loved me the way I am. Except Yoochun of course. They all loved me as The Great Jung Yunho. They thought they know me well. But they didn't.

"Hey, buddy. Need help?" Yoochun approached me and had that wide silly grin plastered on his face when he saw me having a hard time brought all of my fan's gift form my locker to my class.

"Thanks, dude. You're my savior," I gave him a half.

"Don't mention it. Everyone knows you always like this every morning," he walked beside me.

We entered the class and put all the gifts on my table. I wiped the sweats that I didn't even know I'm having it on my temple.

'Wow. That's a lot,' I realized as I looked at the mount of gifts and like usual, Yoochun helped me placed the half of them under my table. I absolutely couldn't put my any of my book if they're all on the table. The bell was ringing, and I sat on my seat while Yoochun sat next to me.

The teacher came in and greeted us. She was our English teacher and I was usually the only student who could still opened my eyes when my other classmates tend to sleep and ignore her. She just about to started her boring lesson and write something on the white board when someone rushed in. No, not someone. They were two. I know one of them was Kim Junsu, one of my classmates (Yoochun loved to tease him). But another one was someone that I certainly didn't know. As I landed my gaze on him, i felt like I was sucked in. Like I was spelled. He was a boy, I was sure of it. But what made him different was his beautiful features. His face was so beautiful even if not considered as pretty. I was sure he even more beautiful from every girls I had ever seen. He had a flawless, pale complexion skin on his face. It looks so soft. And he had that raven black hair on him. He cut it middle length and they fell gloriously almost until his shoulders, silky and shiny. I heard girls always spent their money and time only for their hair. But their hair even couldn't as fine as his. And not to mention his eyes, his big doe-like eyes. I was not sure what the colour were but they were dark and a little hint of grey on the iris. They sure hypnotized every people who tried to look to those beautiful dark orbs of him, because I was. I was hypnotized by him. By someone I even didn't know the name. I tried to let my eyes off from him, but I caught something from him that made me staring back. My eyes locked at his plump rosy lips that lied under his tiny pointy nose. They were so tempting and kissable... wait, did I just mention kissable? I realized that I licked my own lips when I staring at those lips. I mean, he's a guy, Jung Yunho! I smacked my own head. But he was so beautiful that was almost inhuman because human wasn't allowed to be that beautiful.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Kwon," Junsu bowed apologizing. The mysterious beautiful boy stood shyly behind him. When I (finally) switched my gaze on Yoochun, I swore he just stared at me second ago.

"I forgive you, Junsu. But don't ever do this again. I hate it when student late in my class," the teacher said.

"She can't stand student late in her class when obviously there's no one open their eyes and hear what she had said in class. Yeah, except you," Yoochun whispered and smirked. I just smile heard his comments.

"So, this is your cousin, Junsu?" the teacher asked. Junsu nodded.

"Yes,"

"Alright. You can sit on your seat, Junsu. And everyone, this is your new classmates. Boy, you can introduce yourself," the teacher pleased him. Junsu sat in his chair, in front of me.

The beautiful boy stepped forward to the front of the class. He looked down on the floor and nervously lifted up his head to speak.

"Everyone, my name is Kim Jaejoong. Please take care of me," he bowed down quickly.

"You can take your seat, boy. Next to Junsu," the teacher said as Jaejoong walked towards his seat that placed in front of Yoochun. My eyes still glued to him when he finally reached his seat and sat on it. He was going to turn his head to Junsu when he accidentally met my gaze. I could see tints of shy pink on his cheeks. He turned away quickly and so was I before I emberassed my self. I could feel the heat on my cheeks. God, this was so embarassing!

The times went so fast while the things I did just only staring at him. The bell for lunch time rang and almost all of my classmates dashed out of the class towards the cafetaria. I sighed at myself. It was the first I didn't pay intention to the teacher and the only things I did was staring at him, hoped he could staring back at me. But he even looked at me for once! Yoochun dragged me to the cafetaria. When we got there, it was full of hungry people. The table was full but of course not our table. Mine and Yoochun's. We always had our lunch together, just the two of us because no one dared to sat there. And Jung Changmin, my brother in first grade, sometimes he would join us but he often together with his friend, Kim Ki Bum. Yoochun brought me galbi but I lost my apettite. I didn't feel like eating now. I was wandering around when my eyes spotted him, Kim Jaejoong. He was with Junsu, holding his tray, eyeing around to see if there's table left for them. Yoochun quickly followed my gaze. He smiled widely as he waved his hand towards Junsu who quickly caught his act. Jaejoong and Junsu exchanging glance for a while when he finally decided to sit with us.

"I sit with you just because there are no more table left, Yoochun," Junsu stated then he looke at me. "That was not for you, Yunho. That was for greasy perverted old man in front of me,"

"Say that again, duck-butt," said Yoochun. They're always bickering with each other. I waited if there was a time when they finally stopped. I was chuckling with my self when I heard a soft melodious laugh on my ear. It was so beautiful and I knew exactly where it was come from. Jaejoong caught my gaze and smiled shyly. I thought he couldn't be more beautiful than the first I saw him, but I was wrong. He even more beautiful when he smiled or laughed. Oh, he just like an angel.

"Hi," my heart was thumping so fast when I greeted him. I tried to flashed my most gorgeous smile to him. Why I even do that? I my self didn't even know. He again smiled so sweetly and shyly when answered my greeting.

"Hi,"

"My name is Jung Yunho," I introduced myself.

-end of flashback-

The machine still sounds beep... beep... as you still lying unconsiously on the bed. It have been a week since you are in coma, since you wore that hospital outfit that so oversized on you. And it have been a week since I stopped visits our restaurant, Jaejoongie. I don't even bother to visit it or watch over it like I used to do. It was because I didn't want to leave you alone here, and because you won't too, right, Jaejoongie?

-flashback-

Slowly, I and Jaejoong became good friends. He allowed me to call him Jaejoongie, a nick name that I made for him when we went to amusement park. And I allowed him to call me Yunnie. Not a single person ever called me like that. But apparently, i was more than happy. To hear him called me like that was so made me happy. Jaejoongie always had this shy smile of him when he was with me. Sometimes I felt that the smiles he gave me and the smiles he gave for other people were different although I didn't know what it was. And there's something I always found in his eyes every time he landed his gazes on me. It was hard for me to picturing it. The way them sparked and softened for me. There's something in the way he looked at me. That he never did with any other people. And I was glad. That i have something from him that other people couldn't have.

It has been three months since we've met. Jaejoongie started to open about him self to me. He told me that he was an orphan. His parents died not long before he transferred to this school. And now he lived with his cousin, Junsu and their parents. He said he really didn't want to be a burden for Junsu's family so he worked part time in a flower shop as a he finished his story, I told him that I proud of him, to be so strong and independent. Jaejoongie smiled shyly hearing my compliment and I ruffled his hair and he pouted. He pouted every time I ruffled his hair. But he didn't know why I did that. He didn't know how much I love his pout.

"You're so cute, Jaejoongie," I said. My fingers played with his hair. Yeah, our friendship was so sweet.

The shy thumping in my heart changed into a crazy heart beat when I was with Jaejoongie. And everytime he spent his time with other people, not me I thought I was –uhm, what's the name of it?- jealous? Gosh, I even couldn't think straight.

There's a one day. It was Yoochun's birthday. He invited our friends and classmates to his house. Thank God, his house was a big enough for us. After ten minutes since the party started, he came with Junsu. He wore a white v-neck shirt with skinny jeans and boots. And he added a salmon cardigan against his shirt. I swore I was drooling. He was so hot and not to mention, pretty. Haha... my Jaejoongie couldn't be far from the word pretty. Wait, MY Jaejoongie?! Aish, what happen to me?

Junsu gave his present to Yoochun and Jaejoongie gave his too. I could see a glint of happiness and something I didn't know when I looked at Yoochun's eyes when he saw Junsu. Something that I saw in Jaejoongie's eyes. Junsu and Yoochun soon again drawn to their own world again, bickering and fighting nonstop. But I knew they're not serious. How could it be when they were the most happy every time they met? They didn't told it to me, but I just know. Jaejoongie glanced at me. It was like he wanted to talk to me so I approached him. But some girls blocked me from my way to him. They're squealing about, 'Oppa, you're so hot!' 'Oppa, I've got something for you,' or 'Oppa, look at me. Aaahh.. I can't take this! You're so gorgeous!' or whatever. They're screaming my name and cupping their blushing cheeks with their palms and following me everywhere. What were they thinking? Fansmeeting? Yacks, they're so disguisting but I wouldn't say it out loud of course. Did I ever mention that I always acted nice? Finally, I could release from that hell but I saw my Jaejoongie no longer there. I turned my head every where. Where'd he go? I'm searching the hall and found Jaejoongie were chatting happily with a guy. I could see how he laughed softly every time the guy threw a joke. I felt my blood boiling. How dare he chat that happy with my Jaejoongie?! Who was that guy?! Was the name Siwon or something? I walked through the people and grabbed his hand. Jaejoongie looked at me and widened his eyes. Surprised, Jaejoongie?

I dragged him away from that Siwon guy to the empty hallway. When I did this, I could hear him whimpered about. 'Yunnie, what's wrong?' 'Yunnie, let go. I'm hurt,' but I didn't listen to him. finally, he said with a bit shouting, "Yunnie, tell me what's wrong?!" I stopped and released his hands.

"Yunnie-ah..." my back was facing him and I ciould feel that he slowly approaching me from behind. Carefully, he sneaked his arms around my waist and was about to rest his head on my back when I quickly spun around and pinning him against the wall. I stared at his beautiful dark orbs. And that was the moment I realized that my feeling to him was more than just friend.

"I don't want to see you with that guy again," I firmly said. My face was just about an inch from him. i could feel his hot breath against mine. Oh God, how I wanted to kiss him now.

"Why?" he whispered. He seemed feeling the same like because he closed his eyes for a moment before opened it again and stared back at me. I just realized he has a thick pretty eyelashes.

"Because I hate it," I answered.

"Why?" he asked again with that husky voice of him. Did he want to seduce me?

"Because..." oh Jaejoongie, why'd you force me to say it? "Because I love you, Jaejoongie. I love you more than a friend should do," I stared at his eyes, hoping he would say something but no, he just stared back at me and kept silent. Good Yunho, maybe he was disgust with you now. I pulled away. I gripped my hair and groaned in frustrated.

"Jaejoongie, just pretend that I never said anything to you, okay?" I said to him and walked away. But he ran after me and embraced me from behind. He put his arms around my waist and rest his head on my back.

"How can I?" he said softly from behind. "How can I pretend like that when those words are what I'm waiting for you for a long time, Yunnie," I turned my body so could face him. I saw his eyes were sparkling with something I didn't know. But now I know. It's love, right, Jaejoongie?

"I love you too, Yunnie," and the way he said it was so beautiful.

"Jaejoongie..." and soon I pulled him into my embrace. My heart was beatig so fast and i felt this butterfly feeling in my stomach. I felt so happy. I couldn't say it in words. I hugged tightly his small figure not wanting to let go.

"I thought that you didn't love me the way I love you,"

"How could you? I love you, Yunnie. Even from the first time I saw you, I love you," he shyly confessed to me. I pulled away my body so I could see his face. His cheeks were blushed in pink. I cupped his cheeks and I could feel the heat.

"So this is love at first sight, huh?" I smiled sweetly at him. I lifted his chin with my thumb and pointed finger and I leaned down to capture his plump lips. This was our first kiss and I felt like I'm flying to heaven.

-end of flashback-

Suddenlly my cellphone rings in my pocket. I grab it and pick it up.

"Yeoboseyo?"

"Yunho, this is me, Yoochun," oh so this is Yoochun. "How is Jaejoong condition?" he carefully asked me. I know he don't want to hurt me more.

"Worse, Chun. The doctor said that no way for Jaejoongie to recover Chun. There's no hope for him," my voice sounds so brief and it makes me surprise. Because I must to be strong. For my sake and Jaejoongie. But Yoochun always know. "But I know he will. He won't leave me alone, will he?"

"Yeah, right Yunho. You have to be strong for him." he encouraged me. "Uhmm..."

"What's wrong, Chun?" I asked.

"Yunho, I have a news for you. But I don't know how to say it. I don't know when is a good time for—"

But I cut his word. Sometimes he's too much talking. "Just say it Chun,"

"I and Junsu will getting married soon," Yoochun sounds so carefully saying it to me but I know he must be so happy.

"Really? That's really good. It's a happy news, Chun. Why you hide it from me?"

"We don't want to sounds so happy while you and Jaejoong... yeah, you know,"

"It's okay Chun. I'm sure if Jaejoongie hear this he will be very happy too. Just because our condition is not happy, that doesn't mean that you and Junsu don't have the right to be happy," and that's true. I know they had cancelled they marriage once because of Jaejoong's sickness. I will be the number selfish person if I make them cancel it for the second time.

"I'm happy to hear that, Yunho. I know you'll understand us. Although that dolphin don't believe me," I chuckled. They will soon getting married and Yoochun stil loves to call him dolphin.

"Congrats, dude. I'm happy for you. Remember, don't cheat on him, Chun. Haha... I'll tell Jaejoongie about this. He will be very happy,"

"Thanks, Yunho. Please tell Jaejoong we miss him. Please recover soon," after said that, Yoochun hang up. I shove my phone back to my pocket.

"Jaejoongie, Yoochun just called me. He said he and Junsu will getting married soon," I pushed his bangs to the side. "Isn't that good? We always want them to be end up together, don't we?" I smiled at him. i stared at him. There's a tiny hope in my heart that he'll talking back to me. But I know it's only a hope.

"And they said they miss you and they want you to recover soon. Jaejoongie, please, don't you want to see Junsu walking on the aisle?" I sneaked my fingers to hold his hand. I always thank to God that until now, every time I hold him, it's still feel warm. So feel like Jaejoongie. I thank God although he don't wake up, at least his hands still warm. Like usual.

-flashback-

It has been four months since we became lovers. The first day they knew it, the whole school was surprised. They didn't know that I was gay. No, I wasn't gay. I was just Jae-sexual. At first, people couldn't accept it,mostly of them were girls. They dodn't want to see the fact I had had a lover. But some of the guys were happy because they knew that their girl didn't have the hope to be with me again. Yes, because who the heck would choose them if I have the most beautiful person and the kindest in my arms now?

Jaejoongie was always so sweet. He always made a lunch for us. And he was a great cook. He would be a good wife for me. But my brother, Changmin always upset if Jaejoong made a lunch for us because he'd made it just for me. Not for Changmin, Yoochun, even Junsu. Yeah, sometimes he'd cook for Changmin too but not always. And sometimes after school, he'd like to visit my mansion to accompany me. Because I always alone in my home. My parents never home, they always got works to do and they mostly in foreign country. And the maids were getting home in the evening so I practically alone. So I often asked Jaejoong to accompany me. He'd cook dinner for me, or watching movies in my home theather. And after that, I ususally sent him home. The life was so beautiful for me with him.

I remember one day, in our math class, I saw didn't pay any attention to the teacher. Instead, he looked busy writing something on his book. He often glanced at me and made me lost my concentration. And then he giggled to see how hard I try to ignore him. So when the bell rang, I came to him. He looked surprised and quickly hide his book behind his back.

"Jaejoongie, you know what? You made me lost my concentration, baby," I said to him and he giggled happily.

"It's your fault, Yunnie. Why you have to be so handsome? I can't take my eyes over you..." he gave me his puppy eyes. Jaejoongie... you knew exactly how to win me.

"Okay... but don't do that again, okay? You don't want my grade to decrease, right?" I smiled softly. He nodded cutely.

"Okay, I won't do that again, Yunnie,"

"What is it behind your back?" I asked as I tried to peeked behind his back. He quickly stepped back and shook his head harshly.

"No, no... it's n-nothing..."

"Let me see it, may I?"

"No, no, no..." but as sporty as I was, I quickly ran to his back and grabbed the book he hide.

"Gotcha!"

"Ah Yunnie~ don't see it!" Jaejoongie tried to tiptoe and jump to grab the book that held high with my long hand.

"Let's see..." I opened the book when he stopped his effort.

"Yunnie~" he pouted. But I ignored him because I wondered what was Jaejoongie hide from me. As I opened the last page, I saw many of his writings. And they're all about me.

'My Yunnie is so handsome'

'Jung Yunho 3 Kim Jaejoong'

' O'

'Yunnie~'

'JUNG YUNHO'

'Yunho= Jaejoongie's Yunnie'

'Jung Jaejoong'

'Yunnie and Jaejoongie'

'Jaejoongie and Yunnie'

and so on. I found my self chuckled to see this. When I looked at him, I saw he covered his blushing cheeks shyly. I put the book and pulled his hands from his face gently.

"Don't cover your self, Jaejoongie. You're so pretty when you're shy, you know that?" I said to him and he slowly put his hands down. "But I still don't understand what is Yunjae mean?" I pointed at the word who seemed filled the whole paper. Even a lot more than he wrote my name.

"Yunjae means us, Yunnie. Yunho and Jaejoong. Yunjae. Isn't that good?" he asked me. I nodded.

"Yes, it's good. Let's we go the cafetaria. Yoochun and Junsu are waiting for us," I held his hand and he noodded and obidiently followed me. And since that, Jaejoongie seemed loves to write or crave the name any where. He craved it on the trees when we're at park. He wrote it on the white sand when we're at beach. Jaejoong just loved me very much and he knew that I loved him as much as he loved me.

And I loved how he jealous. There's one day when Bae Seulgi, our friend from other class gave me a gift when I and my soccer won a match. I could see how Jaejoong glared him with devilish eyes. And he never let go his glare even at once until Seulgi decided to go. Actually Seulgi was a nice girl and I knew she had been a big fan of me since long time a go. But Jaejoong was practically jealous at anyone who tried to near to me. And Bae Seulgi was pretty enough for a girl. She has a nice orbs but not as beautiful as Jaejoongie's of course.

"Yunnie, don't see her again. I don't like her," Jaejoong pouted when we walked to my car. I was about to sending him home.

"Why? Is that because you're jealous with her?" I teased him. He turned at me and blushed.

"No, of course not. Why should I?" he mumbled. We arrived at my car. I opened the door for him and we entered.

"Yunnie, what if someday I'm not pretty as I am now? Will you still love me?" he asked. He didn't looked at me so I leaned to him and cupped his face with my palms.

"Listen, Jaejoongie. No, no, look at me, look at me Jaejoongie. Listen, no matter what I'll always love you. I don't care if you're not pretty, all I care is your heart. You have a very beautiful heart, Jaejoongie. That's why I love you," yes, and I thought his heart was even more beautiful than his face. I leaned closer to him and kissed him. After couple of minutes of kissing, we separated and panting for air. His face was flushed red and his lips were swollen.

"Don't forget it, okay?" I smiled and pecked his lips then buckled his seatbelt before I started the engine and drove to his home.

-end of flashback-

The door was opened. A doctor and a nurse come to check his condition. It's been a week and no progress. Jaejoongie still in coma. They check his pulse, his temperature and many more. Finally, after they finished, the doctor facing me and he seems like he wants to tell me something. And I'm right.

"Mr. Jung, I've already told you. All the things we've done are useless, Sir. He have no hope at all. He even can't breath without all those machines. I'm sorry, Mr. Jung. But if you bring him earlier, he wouldn't be like this. It's late. We can't do anything," the doctor looked down and walked out. I feel a pang inside my heart. I know the doctor would tell me this, but why I'm still hurt. Maybe because I still have the hope for you to survive, Jajoongie. I know you will. Those doctors don't know you, only me know who you are. And I know you will survive. You always strong, Jaejoongie. Please survive for a little more time.

I hold Jaejoongie's hand with me and I close my eyes and pray to God. God, please, you know how much I love him. And it'll so injustice if you want to take him now. He makes everyone around him happy. Jaejoongie is a good person, very good person. He's so kind and warmhearted. Why you want to take such person from this world? From me? My tears are wetting the wet sheets. I wiped the tears from my face because I know Jaejoongie will hate this if he know. So instead, I bury my face to the sheets and cry harder.

'Yunnie, don't cry...'

-flashback-

I realized that something wrong with him when I saw him coughing so often. So I decided to ask him.

"Jaejoongie, what's wrong? Are you sick?" I touched his forehead with my palms. But I didn't feel any indicate of fever or flu or such. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm alright. I often like this so don't worry," he said reassured me with sweet smile plastered on his face.

Months had been passed so fast. I have a very beautiful life since I have Jaejoongie in my arms and everyday I never stopped thanking God for sent me such a beautiful angel. Jaejoongie was a best gift in my life. I didn't realize it when finally it's time for us to graduate. I had a great plan to bring him to my parents. They would back to Korea next week and I couldn't wait it for longer.

"What? No, Yunnie. They must don't like me," Jaejoong shook his head.

"Who said that? Everyone loves you, Jaejoongie. So my parents must be," I gave him reassure.

"But I'm a guy, Yunnie. What will they think if they know that their son is falling in love with a guy?" Jaejoongie looked at me before he hung down his head. "What if they angry with me? and then—and then—"

"I will not let that things happen. I'll protect you," I hugged him and he snuggled into my embrace. I stroked his hair lovingly.

"Yunnie, I can hear your heart beats," Jaejoongie said as he rest his head on my chest. He placed his ears properly so he could hear it clearer.

"That's for you," I kiss his head.

But nothing goes like I've expected. My parents were totally mad at me. My mom cried and my dad looked like he was going to hit me. Jaejoongie was sitting next to me. He hold my hand so tightly like his dear life was depend on it. I gave him a quickly glance before I started to talk again.

"Dad, Mom. From a long time a go until now, I've never disappointed you. I always be a good son. Follow all your advices, and always study so hard until I feel my head want to explode. And that's all I do so I can make you proud of me and become a son that you always expect. Become a heir of Jung Corp. My life was meaningless back then. I don't have a purpose, I don't know what I will do if I don't follow you. But now, they're all changed. It's got nothing to do whether he is a man or woman. I love him and I don't care what other people say," I firmly said. I must told my parents about my feelings and I have to be strong. I didn't care if they didn't accept him. I still love him anyway and they couldn't change that.

My mom cried harder. My dad hit the table make a loud thump sound.

"He's an orphan! And-and he's a boy, for God's sake!" my dad exploded. His face was red signing that he was mad. Really mad.

"I've told you I don't fucking care. I love him, dad," I lightened at the word LOVE, hoped he could un derstand. But suddenly...

SLAP!

My dad slapped me right on my left cheeks. His breath was so heavy and my cheeks were burnt. I could feel Jaejoongie's body jerked when my father gave his 'touch' to me. Everyone kept still and looked at me. But only Jaejoongie in my eyes. He was crying silently to see me. He wanted to touch my cheeks but I stopped his hand as I told him that I was gonna be okay.

I stared straight into my father's eyes. Now, I didn't care what he would do to me now.

"Do you still love him even if I say that I never consider you as my son anymore?" my mom stopped crying and Jaejoongie looked unbelievingly at my father's eyes before looked at me.

"Yes," I firmly said. My father groaned in frustrated.

"GO! Go away now! Never step your feet in this home again! And don't bother to call me father, you're not my son anymore!" he shouted. He then threw his body to the couch. My mom was hugging him, crying.

"Mr. Lee, give this person his things. He's not belong in here anymore," my not-anymore-dad glared at me. His eyes were red because of anger. I could feel Jaejoongie's body trembled behind me. I knew he was crying.

"Yunnie, don't do this," he whipered from behind. "You can't do this. They're your family..." he sobbed. Oh Jaejoongie, I knew you're scared but I was not going to give up. Finally, all of my things, my clothes, my laptop, and many more were packed. Mr. Lee put them in front of me, he gave me a pity look. I knew he loved me just like his grandson.

"Now go away!" my father pointed to the door. I hold Jaejoongie's hands and walked towards the door when suddenly my mom and my brother ran to me.

"Yunho!"

"Hyung!"

My mom hugged me and crying and so my brother.

"Take care, sweetheart," she caressed my hair.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help you, hyung," Changmin said to me. I didn't answer them instead, I gave them a smile to reassure them that I was gonna be alright. I was a big boy now.

I decided to leave all my car in that house, not wanting to bring one of them. My red lamborghini, my white mustang, my dark blue porsche, my mini cooper and my lotus. I was so not to bring any of them because they're all bought by my father's money.

Jaejoongie still kept silent even after we outside the house. I thought that he felt guilty. He thought that he was the reason I kicked out from my home.

"Jaejoongie, don't need to feel guilty," I said. We were walking no where. "None of these is your fault. So, stop to ignore me,"

"But Yunnie, I was the one that make you like this. You have nothing now. And I couldn't stop myself from feeling guilty," he whipered and sobbed again.

"Jaejoongie, stop crying. I hate to see you like that, okay?" I wiped the tears that running down to his cheeks with my thumb. He nodded slowly. "And I have you, Jaejoongie. That's the more important,"

"Where will we go now, Yunnie?" he asked me. I tapped my fingers on my chin as I thinking. "We can go to Junsu's house," he suggested. I shook my head.

"No, Jaejoongie. We'll be a burden. I guess we should go to Yoochun's house. His parents are in France now. Let's go," I dragged him and we took a cab to Yoochun's house.

After a week we lived in Yoochun's house, finally I got an apartement for me and Jaejoongie. Although it's a rather small but to see the happiness in Jaejoongie's when he saw it, I guess it would do.

"Thanks, Yunnie," he sneaked his arms around my neck and tiptoed to kiss me.

Aah~ I think it'll be going as triple shots.

This is my first time writing about Yunjae.

So if there something disturb you or make yu disappointed, I'm really really sorry..

Please bear with me.

Yunjae is love!

Love Yunjae,

Luna


	2. Chapter 2

I grab his hands as the memories are flooding into me. The memories are so beautiful and I guess I'll never regret leaving my house to live with him. I shiver a bit because of the air conditioner. I take my green sweater from the couch and put it on myself before I sit back beside him. This green sweater is Jaejoongie's birthday gift for me in my 22th birthday. He said he made it by himself for a month and threathened me to take care of it. I never forget the shimmers in his pretty doe-like eyes when he saw me wearing it. He said I look handsome with green. Oh, how I would sacrifice anything to have him wake up and look at me with those shimmers again.

 _flashback_

We were watching movies in our living room. His body stuck with me as he wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head on my shoulders while I was playing with his raven locks and I was thinking about our future. I was in the deep thoughts when I felt his warm breath tickled my neck and soon I realized that he didn't pay attention to the movie at all.

"Yunnie..." he whined. His eyes looked up to me.

"Hm?" was the only I said as I looked back to him.

"Kiss me." Then I leaned down to peck his plump lips. When I pulled away, I could see his disappointed expression. I knew Jaejoongie never satisfied if I only gave him a peck. His lips pouted cutely. I couldn't help but chuckle. He was already tempting me with those sinful lips of him, did he know that?

"Kiss me a bit longer," he asked me as his eyes were pleading with puppy eyes. He smiled against my lips as I captured his lips once again. He knew that I couldn't resist him. Our lips lingered on each other longer that I've thought and of course none of us wanted to pull away. Our tongue dancing in a sweet battle. He didn't want to lose to me but he did like always. I sneaked my tongue inside his sweet cavern and tasted ever inches of it. I licked the insides of his cheeks and bit his tongue slightly. He breathed out a breathless moan. I always loved how Jaejoongie's tastes like. There were some vanilla and something special that only Jaejoongie had. I ran down my tongue along to his neck. He tilted his head to give me more access. I licked it and sucked it hard when he moaned on my ear. It's the most beautiful melodious I've ever heard aside his laugh.

"Aaahhh... Y-yun..." he moaned wantonly. His hands started to sneak into my t-shirt and his fingers caressed my abs as I left another marks on his now exposed shoulders. We both too drawn in pool of pleasures when I realized we already naked. We never came this far before. I was still a virgin back then and I knew Jaejoongie was too as well. I stared at his flawless naked body, sprawled wide open for me to do anything. He grabbed his buttcheeks and spreaded it apart as he offered me his dark pink entrance; a channel to our heaven. I'm too amused by his naughty actions and didn't really do anything. I snapped out to reality when he whined me to continue.

"Are you sure about this Jaejoongie? We can stop if you—" but he shutted me with a kiss.

"No. I want this. Make love to me..." He said with a voice of lust. I just nodded my head. He spreaded his legs more as he welcoming me. His hand caressed his stiff member while the other rubbed his own perked nipple. His body shivered as he pleasured himself. Argh, he was so hot and tempting. I felt my member became more stiff and hard. I slid one finger which already coated with his saliva into his puckered enterance. He whimpered in pain so I used my free hand to pump his hard member. I slid one more finger and did a scissor motion inside him until I felt his walls loosened a bit.

"Enough, Yun. Do me now," Jaejoongie became more bold with his word and I couldn't help but surprised. Where was the shy Jaejoongie I know? Not that was a bad thing tough. I love how naughty and hot Jaejoongie was now. He brought his both legs to his chest and wrapped his arms around me and started kissing me again. I positioned my hard-impatient member on his hole. I entered slowly. I felt like in a heaven of pleasure as his muscles squeezed my thick member.

"Uunnghh..."

I open my eyes when I heard Jaejoongie groaned in pain. He shut his eyes tightly and his expression showed a lot of pain and that's when I realized that I caused him like that.

"Jaejoongie, really—"

"No, I want this..." he whimpered. I pushed his bangs aside and kissed his lips passionately, hope it could endure the pain.

Moments later, he started to buck his hips upwards and wrapped his slender legs around my waist. I knew that he's signaling me to start. So I pulled almost of my members outside only to push it again. He gasped. I started to thrust him in slow pace so I wouldn't hurt him even though my own desire wanted to take him hard and fast.

"F-fasteerrr, Yun... nnghh... fasterr.. mmhh.." he moaned as we found our pace. I thrusted faster into him as he thrusted back at me. His buttcheeks met my balls making slapping sounds. The sound of cracking from the bed, skin slapping, I almost couldn't hear them all. All I could hear was his moaning my name as well as I only see my Jaejoongie moaned in pleasure beneath me. Sweating, but still beautiful with lust filled his hungry body.

"T-there Yun!... Unngghhh... there! Yesss... ah, ah, ah, ah.." he moaned loudly like a bitch in heat when I hit his sweet spot, his prostate. I never knew Jaejoongie could moaned this loud. I quickened my pace and thrusted deeper.

"Y-yunnie... yunhh..nnggh..." he rolled his eyes up as I threw my head back. This sentation was overwhelming. I watched my cock appeared-disappeared in his throbbing hole as I moved inside him, hitting his sweet spot like a jackhammer.

"Joongie, I'm-..."

"Ah.. Unnghh, Y-yun..."

A few thrusts more, I spilled my warm seeds inside him, coated his inner walls as he spilled his on our stomach and chest. At a mere second, I could see stars filled my sight. I threw my exhausted body onto him as we gasped and panted for air. On our still connected body, our chest met and I could feel his heart beating in harmony against mine, whispering of silent _'I love yous'_.

"I love you too," I answered him.

 _end of flasback_

I smile bitterly as I remember our first night together. That's the most beautiful night in my life, no matter how much I had made love to him until now, it's still the most beautiful. The door is flungly opened, and I see someone that I never expect.

"C-Changmin?" my eyes widen in suprise as I stare at my little brother. He has grown up to such a handsome young man. He's even taller than me, his hyung.

"Hyung, finally I found you," he walks to me and hugs me tightly. I rub his back lovingly. He's crying, I know. "I miss you so much,"

"I know, dongsaeng. I miss you too," I said to him. I lead him to sit on the couch.

"Hyung, mom is sick now. She wants you to come home," he wipes his tears with his sleeves. The mature Changmin now, is crying like a child. "She always calls your name everyday. She misses you so much," Changmin's eyes plead. I feel a pang in my heart and guilty rushes in me. My mom is sick now and she expects me to come but I never—never... I love my mom so much as I love my self. And I look at him, at my wife that is still unconcious on the bed. I can't leave him too. How if he breathe his last breath while I'm at my parents' home? I love him more than I love my self. More than everything in this world. I hang down my head. I hate my self for not being a good son.

"I can't, Min. You've seen him," I take a glance at Jaejoongie and he follows my gaze. "How can I leave him?"

"H-hyung... what happened?" Changmin stutters. "Since you gone away, you never contact us. We couldn't find your place and your number. What happened to him?"

I take a deep sigh.

"He can't live any longer, Min. He's dying..." my lips tremble and I can see his eyes wide open.

 _flashback_

With my savings, we married in France. He was so beautiful wearing a white dress suit. No one accompanied us. No family, no friend. There's just the two of us.

And the priest started to talk, "Do you, Jung Yunho accept Kim Jaejoong as your wife, in health and sickness, through hardships and difficulties, loving and cherishing him until die separate the both of you?"

I stared deeply at his dark beautiful orbs. His eyes were glistening with tears but none of them seemed spill out yet. He looked back at me with so much love that I knew it's forever. We captivated each other, even we didn't bother to look at the priest. We're drawn to each other.

"I do,"

"Do you, Kim Jaejoong accept Jung Yunho as your husband, in health and sickness, through hardships and difficulties, loving and cherishing him until die separate the both of you?"

"I do," and that's when the first tears came out from his beautiful eyes.

Our marriage life was beautiful. Jaejoongie was the most understanding person. He always wanted to make me smile and happy. Although I wasn't rich anymore, but he'd never protest. He always tried to be a perfect wife for me. He took care of me. I felt so much guilty that I couldn't buy anything expensive for him like a good husband used to do for his lovely wife but once again, he didn't protest. He said he never expected anything from me. Just me beside him, and that's enough. So I spent all of my savings (thank God, my dad didn't block me from my bank account) to build a little restaurant near our apartment. And thanks to my best buddy, Yoochun, who was still rich as he was back then. He helped us a lot to running our restaurant. After a few months, our restaurant got a lot of progress and I was so happy that finally I could buy my wife something expensive.

We were cuddling with each other on our bed when he asked me something that made me confused.

"Yunnie, how if someday one of us die? How if I die?" he said. I could felt his lips moving on my neck since he buried his face on the crook of my neck. He loved to do it. _Because I love your scent_ he said when I asked him about that.

"What are you thinking?" sometimes I didn't understand the way he was thinking. It's so different with other people. He really was one of a kind.

"Nothing. Yunnie, answer me, will you still love me?"

"No, I won't love you," I answered right away. He pouted. "Because I'll also die if you die, do you know that, Jaejoongie?" he smiled and nodded slowly. He kissed my neck.

"Don't ever stop loving me. Even if I told you to do so, don't ever stop. If I ever leaving you someday, don't stop loving me because the time you stop, I will die. I will die, Yunnie, without you.." his warm breath lingering on my neck.

"Of course, Jaejoongie. I will never stop," I kissed the top of his head.

 _end of flashback_

Changmin hugs me, more tight than ever. He's trying to give me strength because he knows me too well. He knows I'm not okay even when I pretend.

"Min, please come home," I say when we pulled away. He looks at me with a confused look. "Mom needs you now. I will never come back until he recovers,"

My brother smiles bitterly. "I wish it'll be soon," he stands up from the couch. "I'll tell them that I haven't find you yet. After all these years you're gone, they'll believe," then we hug for the last time. "Please take care of him and send my love to him, hyung," I nod and he walks out the door. I sit back on the chair beside Jaejoongie's bed. Although I know that sat on the couch is much more comfortable but I don't want to sit there. Because they are too far from his bed. So I sit on this very uncomfortable chair and feel my back becomes stiff. I stretch my arms and ache my back.

"Ouch," I wince. Then I lean my head on my palm as I caress his pale skin with my fingers. I know it's silly, but Jaejoongie usually does this everytime he wakes me up in the morning. He'll kiss me and count until ten until I wake up. I used to wake up when his counting reaches five. So I lean down to him and place my lips atop on his and move them a bit. Then I pull away and start counting.

"1... 2... 3..." Jaejoongie, you always make me wake up with this. I wish you too...

"4... 5..." wake up, Joongie, wake up..

"6... 7..." you, silly Jaejoongie, don't you hear me? Wake up now!

"8... 9..." I throw my self on the bed and bury my self in my palms.

"10..." and he still not wake up.

 _flashback_

I realized he quite changed recently. He coughed more often than before and he easily got tired. But everytime I asked him, he always answered with 'I'm okay' and I couldn't help it but tried to believe him. I believe he'd tell me if something happen.

We were in the middle of dinner when he coughed.

"Are you okay?" I put the chopsticks on the table and approached him. He nodded while still coughing. His right hand hold my hand tightly when the other hand covered his mouth. And then he started coughing like crazy. I was about to give him water when he rushed to the water sink. The coughing slowly stopped and he quickly washed his hands and mouth. I walked to him and gave him a glare.

"You're really sick,"

"Maybe," he walked back to the dining table and I followed after him. "But I know it's just a cold or something. The weather's changing often," he casually grabbed his spoon and ate again.

Months passed and after a year, I had just realized how thin my wife's body was. He sure had lost a lot of weight. I slipped my hands around his small waist. He was cooking for our dinner and I just came home tired from restaurant. Our little restaurant became a big one in past years, thanks to my bussines ability. So I always came home with a fatigue body and exhausted. But he always there to cheer me up. I pulled his body to me and I could feel his bones everywhere.

"Baby, are you on diet?" I asked. I rest my chin on his shoulders while he's still cooking. But he never bothered by that. He said he always glad if I accompanied him cooking like this.

But he just chuckled. "Why did you ask that?"

"Because you don't have to. I don't care if you're fat, you're still beautiful anyway. I just love you the way you are," I kissed his shoulders and smelled his sweet fragrance. It's vanilla, like I love it.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop," he smiled to me and went back to his cooking. Not knowing that I knew he just lied.

I was at our restaurant that day when Junsu suddenly called me. He was at our apartment to spending time with my wife. I searched my vibrating phone and finally found it in my jacket on the chair. I pushed the green button.

"Yeoboseyo?"

"Yunho! J-Jaejoong..." Junsu stuttered. What the heck had happen?

"Calm down, Junsu. Tell me what happen?" I tried to remain calm. Junsu always easily got panic. Like the last time, he called me and stuttered like crazy just because Jaejoongie unintentionally locked himself in the bathroom.

"J-Jaejoong... he..."

"Damn, Junsu. Just tell me what happen!" okay, maybe Jaejoongie was more than locked himself.

"He collapsed! I don't now what happen—" but before Junsu finished his words, I'd hung up the phone and drove to our apartment. I rushed in and saw Junsu held my unconscious wife's body on his lap.

I glanced at my wife who was still in the deep sleep then I examined at the doctor's face in front of me. He was frowning and there's a bit of uneasiness on him. Why?

"Mr. Jung, do you know how long your wife is like this?" he fixed his black rimmed glasses as he asked me. How long? I asked myself.

"I don't know, doc. He seemed alright," I thought the doctor would explain to me that he was just too exhausted and give me some medicine like usual. But I was wrong.

"He's just too exhausted, right? Or maybe cold..." I tried to reassure myself but the hope was gone when the doctor shook his head briefly.

"I'm afraid there's something more. Mr. Jung,"

"W-What?"

"Tell me everything you know about his condition these days,"

"Well, he seemed a bit sick actually but he said it wasn't a problem and it's just a mere cold. He coughes more often and easily get tired. But he said it was because our bussines has been bigger. He never tells me anything, he's just—" and that's when the word I'd just said hit me. Jaejoongie never told me is condition... I shifted my position on the chair I felt the uneasiness in me had became bigger. I didn't know why, I just didn't want hear anything about my wife's condition anymore. My Jaejoongie was fucking healthy for the God's sake.

"Did he lose his weight?" he looked at me. I shifted again on my chair and realized that I was playing with my fingers, a habit when I was nervous.

"Is there any relation with my wife's sickness?"

"Of course. I need to know it to correct my assumptions,"

"Actually yes, he lost his weight a lot," now my palm started sweating. "What happened to my wife, doctor?"

"From what I got when I checked his body and from your explanations, I'm afraid that your wife has lung cancer and it has reached the crucial stage," the doctor said. I just stared at him because for some reason, I couldn't process about what he'd said. Lung cancer? Jaejoongie had lung cancer? No fucking way.

"You must be kidding me," I pulled away and shook my head harshly. I hope he just only joked with me and then said, 'April Fool!' but no way he would say that. He was a professional and this was October not April, for God's sake!

"I'm sorry, Mr. Jung," he calmly said. And that moment, I felt my life crumpled down. Then I approached my wife. I pushed some bangs to the side and leaned down to kiss his forehead. His eyes fluttered open and I smiled.

"Yunnie..." his voice was hoarsed and I felt like breaking to hear it.

"Yes, baby, I'm here..." I gently answered and held his hand.

"What happened to me?"

"You just fainted. It's okay, Joongie baby," I stroke his hair. He nodded silently.

We reached home after the doctor gave me some medicine. He said the ill couldn't be recovered again and because we're too late go to doctor and the cancer had eaten almost of Jaejoongie's body cells so he just could gave medicines to decrease the pain. I drove our way to home and still couldn't believe that Jaejoongie was dying. Why he never told me before?

I tucked him to our bed to give him more rest. From that time, I'd promised myself to protect my wife and nurse him. I would never let him die. No, not now or then as long as he was in my arms. Jaejoongie looked so vulnerable when he's lying there on the bed. And I couldn't help but hated myself. How could I never realized it before? Your own wife was dying and you just realized it now after doctor shoved it to your face! Damn you, Jung Yunho. I wrapped his body into mine, told him silently that I always be here beside him.

"Yunnie, I want to go to the bathroom," he pulled away. I held his arms and followed him. "No Yunnie, the bathroom is only 5 metres away. I can go there by myself," he smiled.

"Okay. Tell me if you need something," I shrugged my shoulders and lied again on the bed. I could hear the water's sound poured out from the sink. Maybe Jaejoongie was just washing his hands or face but then I could hear him coughed again. I stormed in to the bathroom imediatelly and then I saw a view that made my heart breaking into millions pieces.

His right hand was liften up and I could see blood on his palm. I switched my gaze to his lips that was stained with the same red liquid. His coughing blood.

Jaejoongie looked startled to see me first and he tried to hide his hand and washed it on the sink. But I quickly grabbed his hand and stopped him.

"Don't hide it. I already know about it," I said to him. My voice was trembled picturing my breaking self.

"How?" his eyes looked down to the floor.

"The doctor said it to me," I looked at him but he seemed avoiding my gaze. And I couldn't hold it anymore as the tears spilled out from my eyes.

"Why'd you never tell me before?" as he heard my sobs, he lifted up his head. And he was already crying. His eyes were red and glistening with tears.

"I-I'm sorry, Yunnie. I didn't mean to... please forgive me," his eyes pleaded as more tears flew down.

"Of course I forgive you, baby-ah... but why?"

"I didn't want to make you worry... you already exhausted from work to keep us live and I don't want to add more burden with my illness..." he cried even harder. "And I was afraid that you would leave me if you know it," he rubbed the tears in his eyes as he was crying hard like a little kid. The sight would be cute if we both didn't know that one of us would leave soon.

"Pabo, Jaejoongie... Pabo," I pulled him closer to my embrace as I wrapped my arms around his thin body. I kissed his teary eyes and looked at him lovingly. "Why would I want to leave you?" I smiled. As a dedicated husband as I was, I put his hands under the water sink as I washed his palms from his own blood. Then I cleaned his lips with a wet towel. He's just staring at me while I did that things. Didn't even move his eyes away for a second.

"Yunnie, why do you still want to be with me?" he suddenly asked.

"Because you're my wife and I'm your husband," I said while I still concetrating at cleaning his lips.

"But I'll die soon,"

"Listen to me, Jaejoongie," I put the towel aside and held his both upper arms. "You're not going to die soon. I'll do anything all I can to keep you alive. So please, be strong for us, okay?" then he nodded as the tears were coming again.

"I love you," he whispered softly on my ear.

Months passed, and Jaejoongie's condition wasn't getting any better. He couldn't go outside in a long time. Because if he was too much excited or tired, he would get coughing blood again or even worse, fainted. And that's totally not good. He kept losing his weights. Slowly, his cheeks sunken and his skin looked paler than the original. He had those dark eyebags under his eyes and it hurt me to see it everyday I came home from work. But at least there's something that still there. Those beautiful sparks in his eyes everytime he saw me. And every night, I prayed to God to not take them away from me. I spent all of our saving in our four years marriage to keep him alive. We bought all the expensive medicines, went to all the theraphy but everything seemed useless. He'd never get better. Everything had reached the climax when Jaejoongie collapsed again and hasn't opened his eyes yet until now.

 _end of flashback_

I just keep staring at him not even bother to know how long I've done it. Then I hear the door slowly opened. Who is it? I ask myself before I see my and Jaejoongie's two bestfriends. Yoochun wears a long black shirts and rolles its sleeves to the elbows and Junsu wears a simple blue t-shirt with a white cardigan on it. They smile to me as they walk in holding hands. I can see the love spark in their eyes.

"I thought you'd called me moments ago," I smile to them. They stand next to beside Jaejoongie's bed.

"Yes, but Junsu insisted to come here," Yoochun said. Junsu pouted.

"I just miss him. I want him to know how happy I am now because I know it'll make him happy too..." Junsu stroke Jaejoong's hand and smile. "He will, won't he?"

"Yes, Junsu, he will," I said and Yoochun pats his shoulders. Then Junsu leans down to whisper on his bestfriend's ear.

"Jaejoong-ah, me and Yoochun will be getting married and we're very happy now. So, when will you wake up and be happy too?" Junsu's tears are wetting the white bed sheets make its color a little bit darker. Then Yoochun embraces him as Junsu buries his face on Yoochun's shoulders.

And that's when the miracle happens. I see my Jaejoongie's eyes that have been closed in more than a week slowly opened.

"Yunnie..." he says in a low weak tone. But I feel so happy to hear it again. Yoochun's and Junsu's eyes quickly turn to Jaejoong and they seems so amazed as I pressed the help button. Seconds after, the doctor and nurses quickly rush in to the room. They examine Jaejoongie's condition and check on it.

"Jaejoongie..." I'm so happy to see him concious again. So happy that I feel like going to cry.

"Mr. Jung," the doctor calls me and gestures me to come with him. He stops near the door and his expression is difficult to read. Why doesn't he look relieve? "I know you're so happy because he wakes up from his comatose. I hate to tell this, but don't let your happiness hovering you. We had checked his condition and there's no progress except his conciousness. He can falls back to comatose again. Nothing gets any better, Mr. Jung, his condition is as bed as before," he calmly said. And I begin to hate this person. How could he say that? His conciousness is a progress, right? But I don't want to ruin my mood because of him so I just frown at him.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Jung," he says then disappears as he go. Then I quickly run back at my wife and find him smiling weakly at me. So I hug him, not too tight of course but enough to show him my happiness.

"Jaejoongie... finally you wake up, baby.." I kiss his forehead, eyes, nose, cheeks and finally his lips. I stroke him gently. "Miss you so much, baby-ah..."

"Me too, Yunnie... I miss you too," he smiles sweetly at me.

"I thought you'd never wake up..." I said. And I see a glint of sadness in his eyes when I said that.

"We're happy to see you, Jaejoong," Yoochun said since Junsu seems can't say anything. He just looks happily at Jaejoong. Jaejoong just smiles then he lifts up his hand to caress my face.

"I'm always afraid... that I can't see this handsome face any longer..." he weakly said. I lift my hand and hold his hand on my cheeks.

"Jaejoongie, don't say that again. You're wake up now," I grip his hand tighter. But he doesn't seem listen to me. He traces his slender fingers on my face. He touches my eyebrows then his fingers trails down to my eyes. I close my eyes and can feel the tip of his fingers against my eyelashes. Then he moves his fingers to my nose, tracing my nose then moves to my cheeks and finally he reaches my lips. He places his fingers on my lips longer than to the other. His eyes locks to my lips as he caress them featherly.

"Jaejoongie..."

"I'm trying... to remember you, Yunnie... I'm afraid... I will forget you... if I die..." his voice trembles and comes difficultly. "Now... I won't forget you if I die... but... will you, Yunnie?" I can hear a sharp gasp from behind.

"Su-ah..." I hear Yoochun's deep voice from behind. Oh, so it's Junsu. I shake my head harshly.

"No, Joongie. You will not gonna die..." I feel a stinging feeling on my nose and I know sooner or later I'll cry. Why did he say that? He wakes up now and he tells me he gonna die? No way I'll allow it to happen.

"Yunnie... you know what? When I was in coma... I always heard voices... a familiar voices... I could hear him wishing me to recover soon... told me about everything happened... and when I heard that person humming a song... I knew it's you..." his eyes looks at me with so much longing I can't describe. I still hold his hands which are now wet because of my tears. "I... really wanted to comfort you... I heard you're crying... but I can't... this body... wouldn't let me... doing anything..." then he pauses for a second. His brows knitted and eyes scrunched up like he try to endure a strong pain.

"J-Jaejoongie..."

I hear Junsu sobs harder. Harder than me actually.

"I know... no matter how I want to recover... it's still impossible..." and then he closes his eyes tightly as he frowns again. And that time I pray in my heart that I can still hear the constant beating from the machine.

Beep... beep... beep... please, God. Not now...

"Yunnie-ah... don't cry..." he looks at me softly. He wipes a bid of tears on my cheeks. So I lower my head and sob. He pats my head gently like a mother. Jaejoongie's heart is so warm and I know I can't live without that warm heart in my life.

"I-I'm sorry, baby-ah..." I lifts up my head and wipes the tears with my sleeves. "Joongie-ah... please don't leave me..." I kiss his palm as I chant 'Please, please, please' and 'I love you' on it. He close his eyes as a tear runs down to his pale cheeks.

"If only I can..." his voice is so weak that makes him sounds like mumble while I continue sobbing. It's the first time in my life I cry this harder. There's a moment of comfortable silence after that as we both trying to cherish each other's presence like there's no tomorrow. I want to know if there's really a tomorrow. I hold his hands properly and tightly because I'm afraid they'll limp lifelessly next second if I don't.

"Yunnie..." Jaejoongie brakes the silence. "Please sing... for me..." I stare at him with confused look. "That song... that I used to sing..." his eyes plead to me. How can I resist them? I'll do anything to make him happy. Then I try remembering the song. Which song? Jaejoongie loves to sing, he sings many songs with beautiful voice of his. Then I remember there's a certain song that he always hums. When he cooks in the kitchen, when he goes to sleep or when he looks at the view outside the car. I know the song because Jaejoongie loves to play it on his iPod. A sad one.

"Jaejoongie..."

"Please..."

Then I feel someone squeezes my shoulders. I turn my head and realize it's Yoochun. He nods his head briefly at me like he wants me to approve it. Junsu is still crying and he looks at me with swollen eyes. I turn my head back at Jaejoongie. My wife was looked so vulnerable and fragile. So fragile that even one shrug can make him brakes into pieces. So I clear my throat, hope it won't crack and start singing.

(Please play Jaejoong's version of this song when you read this part ^^)

"Barami momun gu shigan jocha..."

and I see him smiles at me.

"Naege nomu mojarangeol..."

my tears are pouring down again.

"Hanbone miso majimak insa... saranghamnida geudael..."

I feel like we both lose on our world. The world that no one's there except us, and the song exist.

"Shigane jichodo... saranghae apado... gu shigan jocha chuogigo..."

He stares at me and I stare at him solemnly.

"Majimak insa haneyo..."

and I move forward to capture his trembling lips as I continue to sing against it.

"Saranghamnida... saranghamnida..."

I rest my forehead against him and feel the salty liquid slips into my mouth. I don't even bother to wipe them as I feel Jaejoongie's tears also wetting my face.

"Fly away... fly away, love..."

I can feel his heart is beating against mine.

"Fly away... fly away, love..."

God, please let this heart beats longer. I silently pray.

"Fly away... fly away, love..."

And I pause. And we cry. I find it so hard for me to sing the last line because it's sounded like I eventually give up on him. But I know I must sing the last line to have it finished. So I open my mouth to sing the most heartbreaking but also the most beautiful line.

"Naesange dan hanbone saranghan..."

I shift closer and my voice is cracking.

"Annyeong..."

After I've finished, we stay like that for a couple of minutes. I pull away as Jaejoongie removes his hand that held my face before.

I don't know why, but Jaejoongie looks so peaceful after I sang that song. The anxious that had been on his face had gone and change with a happy, peaceful expression of him. It's like he is finally in peace because I finally let him go through that song.

"Yunnie... I feel so tired... I want to sleep..." he said as he slowly close his beautiful eyes. No, no, no! Don't close your eyes! I can hear Junsu is crying hard again but now together with Yoochun.

"Jaejoongie!" I cry out his name. Please, don't take him away...

but Jaejoongie's eyes flutter open again.

"Yunnie... why are you so loud? I just want to sleep..." he looks at me confused.

I thank the God up there. Jaejoongie just wants to have some sleep. So I fix his position on the bed, make his pillow comfortable enough for him and pull the blanket up to his chest.

"Saranghae, Yun..." he whispers softly on my ears when I finished. Then I smile to him and sit back on my chair.

"Nado saranghae, Jaejoongie..." he smiles at me and closes his eyes peacefully.

And that time. The time I feel like world crumbles down on me. When the constant uncomfortable beating change to the long, scratching beeping sound as it is like tearing the air.

Beep... beep... beep...

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP...

And the beauty is gone.

 _Even that time when the wind stays  
Its not enough for me.  
I smile one more time and give my final greeting:  
I love you.  
I am tired now and love hurts  
But even if that time is just a memory  
I have to give my final greeting.  
I love you, I love you.  
Fly away, Fly away love...  
Fly away, Fly away love...  
Fly away, Fly away love...  
In the afterlife I will greet my love again_

 _(Insa-TVXQ)_

A/N: I don't know if it sad enough.

Is it sad? Is it? Is it?

Comments are loved~...


	3. Chapter 3

Third person's POV

Yunho is sitting on the chair, staring through the large window glass to the street. His eyes are empty. No more a shadow of playfullness and mischivieousness that people always adore. Now they are just a pair of eyes, with no life.

He can't remember how long he have been sat here, watching to the people out there. He don't know how much his employees keep coming to him. Trying to talk to him, or reminding him to keep him remember that he still has to keep his life moves on, that his life can't just end like this just because his wife has died. They said he is still young, and handsome and he can easily find another man –or woman, to be his soulmate.

But Yunho won't even bother to listen, yet he keep sit there, don't even mind to move, he just stare at nothingness while his mind keep picturing his beautiful wife.

Yunho still remembers how pretty he was. The silky shiny black hair that contrast with his pale delicate skin, the midnight color of his big doe eyes and the pointy cute little nose. Even if Yunho closes his eyes, he still can taste Jaejoongie's lips against his. The warm, the soft of his rosy lips that always succeeded making him crazy for its touch.

Not only his beautiful wife's features that keep him out of this world, but also the memories of him. How he never find another person as kindhearted as his Jaejoongie. No matter how many Jaejoongie himself would told him that he wasn't perfect but for Yunho, he was perfect. His Jaejoongie's heart was so kind, and warm, and so gentle. The heart that never wanted to hurt other people. The kind of heart that didn't even know how to hate. His Jaejoongie always wanted to give not to take, and that's why Yunho was determine to give him everything he had for him. And he was faithful, Yunho knows, because he would never lie to him and it was always him, only him in Jaejoongie's eyes that Yunho could see. Never anyone else.

And how he always stood by his side, never leave even for a second, when the world became too harsh to them, when they must saved their money today for food tomorrow, when everybody left them because of their relationship, when people spat on them disgustingly everytime they saw he and Jaejoong were holding hands.

When everything was just too much to bear.

But Jaejoongie was always there, his angel. Shooting his cryings in a lovely hug, telling him to be strong in his breakdown, and whispering about hopes they had if they fight just a little bit more. He always been his sanctuary. Yunho's sanctuary.

"Hyung," Donghae, one of his employee of the restaurant called him. "Yunho hyung," he shakes the man in front of him. Yunho snaps out and looks at him.

"What's wrong, Donghae?" he asks.

"We need to talk," he answers. Yunho looks around, there's just only them and some other employees that are cleaning. Donghae pulls a chair and sits.

"Hyung, I know that you give me your trust to manage this restaurant and I'm truly glad to know that you trust me, really, I'm glad."

"Donghae, what is this all about?"

"But this is just not about that, hyung," Donghae continues. "You must help us too,"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, if you trust this place to me, you can just sit in your house and I'll work very hard to not disappoint you. But everyday, all you do is come here, sit on this fucking chair and space out. You don't really do anything but that. You scare out our costumer hyung," Donghae sighs. He actually doesn't want to tell this to Yunho, but there's must be someone to knock the fact on him. "We even rarely get costumers now, hyung. People scare of this place. They don't want to eat here if they all could see is a man who look like a zombie sits here everyday,"

Yunho thinks, he always come here because he really want to avoid to be at home, with the memories of him and Jaejoongie still linger in every fucking things there. So he decide to come to his restaurant. Now, if that's also wrong, where he supposed to go?

"Hyung, our finance is fucking bad. We get a big loss because of you, sorry to say that and I'm sure you can't even pay us for this month and the other months follow," Donghae glanced at the other employees, the waiters, the cashier, the cleaning services and the cooks. "We really don't want to do this to you," Donghae bits his bottom lips. Yunho just stares at him, tries to guess what he is going to say.

"But I and the others as well are going to resign,"

What? They want to leave me too?

"Well, I need money for my family and the others too. And Minho... " Donghae glanced at the tall boy behind him. Minho nods his head, encouraging Donghae to continue even though he feels like crying to see Yunho whose expression stays flat. "He needs a lot of money to pay for his sister's institution," Donghae hangs his head low. "We're sorry, hyung... we don't mean to leave you," he silently cries. To his surprise, Yunho pats his shoulders.

"If you need money, just go. I'm okay and I'm sorry, Hae-ah. "

Donghae lifts his head and hugs him. "Thanks, hyung," Yunho nods and not long after, Dongahe pulls away and bows slightly then he walks out the door followed by the others who mumble 'sorry' when they're passing him.

Now the restaurant is closed. Yunho clasps his both hands and rests his forehead against his knuckles. He's angry, as he feels the things that he holds dearly slowly slips out from him. When Jaejoongie die, Yunho lost his able to feel but sadness and anger. Sad because now there's no Jaejoongie beside him and anger because if even so, he still can't accept that. His mind refuses his death even he knows that deep in his heart he has lost his soul, his happiness and his laughter.

His true love.

Yunho opens his eyes when the sun light is striking right on to his face. He lifts up his hand to cover his eyes from the blinding lights. After he recovers from his drowsy state, he realises that he slept in the restaurant last night and not in home.

'Home?' Yunho chuckles sarcastically. He barely can't call it home. Now the so called 'home' is just a place when he sleeps and takes a bath. For Yunho, home is a place when there are Jaejoongie and him, eating dinner together, cuddling in front of television, kissing senselessy on the love seat and making love on their bed. Home is a place when they share everything.

Yunho then glances at his watch and curses himself when he's seeing it points to number 8.00 a.m. He grabs his jacket and stroms outside. He runs to the flower shop to buy a bouquet of white lily and luckily manages to catch a cab not far from the shop.

The taxi stopped in front of graveyard. Yunho thanks him after he gave the driver the bills also with the change. The old man; the driver, mutters a thanks and wishes him happiness. But Yunho frowns, 'why did he wish me happiness? Am I look too sad?' but Yunho doesn't give it a matter as he walks through the gate.

Maybe Yunho doesn't know. But anyone who takes first glance at him, can easily knows what's wrong with him. The sorrow, it's just too obvious.

Yunho walks between the graves that line up horizontally as his hands hold the bouquet of white lily. The things that he does everyday, since Jaejoongie's death. Yunho will everyday goes to the flower shop at 7.55 to buy a bouquet of white lily and arrives at the garveyard at 8.15. He does it everyday. Yunho looks at his watch.

'Exactly 8.15' he smiles. He makes it on time.

Finally he stops when he's reaching the white, average gravestone only it's the most beautiful among the others because the grave surrounded by beautiful daisies and the surface covered with short green grass. The grave seems like the most lively thing on this graveyard which seems so dead.

Yunho kneels beside it. He places the white lilies in front of the gravestone and touches it gently.

' _With his pure soul, he had made this world more beautiful,_

 _With his untainted heart, he brought us love and happiness,_

 _May he rest in peace._

 _Our son, friend, and lover, goodbye._

 _Jung Jaejoong_

 _(02/26/1986-04/03/2010)'_

Yunho caress the words that craved with golden tint on the white marble grave lovingly. He touches every letter as if they are Jaejoong.

"Jaejoongie..." his voice comes hoarse.

"How are you there? Do you miss me? Because I miss you so much," Yunho smiles bitterly.

"Jaejoongie..." Yunho gulps down. "Our restaurant is closed. I can't surviving it, I'm sorry..."

"I know it's our dream, Joongie... that restaurant. But last night, Donghae came and told me that we're bankcrupt. I don't know what happened, I only know that I can't do anything well without you by my side. I'm nothing without you. You know Jaejoongie, everyone around us said that you couldn't live without me. That you're depended too much on me. But actually, it's me, who can't live without you. it's me, who is afraid of being too far from you and this is the evidence, Joongie. Do you see me? I've lost everything, my life, my hopes, my dreams... you." Yunho gulps down. He tries his best to hold back his tears. "Jaejoongie, please tell me what I have to do now? I need you so much, baby-ah..."

'I love you so much it hurts...'

A silent tears finally comes out as Yunho kisses the white grave tenderly. He closes his eyes and lets his mouth lingering on it a second longer as a goodbye before he caresses it and stands up. He gives it a final look and walks away.

He is sitting on a swing at park near the apartment. He remembered when his wife was still alive, they loved to spend their times here. Sat on swings, ate ice cream, watched the kids were playing, or just lied under the oak tree watching the clouds. They were just simple memories, Yunho thinks, yet he felt most happy that time as everything seemed to be perfect for them. The marriage, the average life they support, they were exactly the times when Yunho couldn't feel any happier.

His both hands clench on the chains that support the swings. His feet move back and forth and he looks up to the sky. The day can't be anymore perfect. The sun light isn't too hot for people's liking, just warm. The wind blows softly as it's tickling the soft hair near his neck. Kids are playing happily, building sandcastles as many couples around them are mushy with each other, spending quality time together.

'The day can't be anymore perfect' Yunho thinks, except...

Yunho turns his head to his right as he finds an empty swing beside him. It's Jaejoong's spot. Jaejoong used to occupy the swing on the right when Yunho was on the left as they everyday came here.

But now it's empty. Then Yunho realizes that no one have been occupied the swing after Jaejoong. Whenever he comes to the park, he always finds it empty. It seems that everyone make the swing as Jaejoong's memorial place, sacred for anyone. Even though they don't actually know him inside and out but they all loved him dearly. Jaejoong was the friend of everyone. His presence makes them happy. So they decide to keep his spot here. To respect the beauty, to remember him.

~Someday I'll lay my love on you... Baby, I don't—~

His phone suddenly rings. He picks it and places it on his ear.

"Yeoboseyo?"

"Yo, Yunho. This is me, Chun." The familiar voice of his buddy rings from the other line.

"Hey, Chun."

"What are you doing?"

Yunho looks at his surroundings. "Nothing."

"Well, I'd like to invite you to come to our house for dinner tonight, if you don't have any plan of course. Su just learned how to cook, and he'd be happy if you want to be the first one who try his cookings," Yoochun rambles happily.

"Sure, Chun."

"... Okay, the dinner will start at six. But it'll be better if you come at five," a slight uneasiness can be heard from Yoochun's voice as he can sense that his best friend doesn't seem to eager to his invitation.

"Okay."

Yoochun on the other line, exactly can feel the sorrow behind Yunho's voice even they're just talking through the telephone. He has been friends with Yunho long enough to know that he always keeps his sadness alone, never bother to share. That's why Yoochun and Junsu decided to invite him, to ease him from whatever feeling he may feeling right now even just for a moment.

"... We love you, Yunho," Yoochun says softly. And he wants Yunho to remember that.

"Thanks." Yunho ends the phone.

Yunho puts his phone back in his pocket and continues to watch the kids playing when suddenly Yunho can only sees darkness as he feels a pair of hands covering his eyes.

'No,' Yunho thinks. 'This is impossible' Yunho shakes his head vigurously. But he can't be wrong. Yunho turns his head behind and widen his eyes as he sees the sight in front of him.

A beauty, with silky black hair, is staring at him with smile garces upon his pretty face. The sun's light is shining against him makes him looks ethereal. He wears a white long sleeves that adds more beauty against his white skin.

For a brief minute, Yunho can only stares at him in awe as he swears in his mind that he never saw something more beautiful than a person that stands in front of him now. Yunho can't believe it. His heart thumps so fast as he feels happiness starts overwhelming him. He don't want to believe his eyes or his heart actually, but he decides to. After all, this the thing he wanted the most, right?

"J-Jaejoongie?" Yunho stutters. He doesn't know why he stutters whether it is because he see his wife that supposed to be dead or it's because his wife's angelic beauty that no one can compare. But Yunho knows that the reason is not both of them as Jaejoong as real as he is, smiles gently at him and covers his mouth with the back of his palm. It's because he is Jaejoongie, just Jaejoongie.

Yunho stands up. With a slight hesitant he steps forward to his wife. Yunho knows, however, this is too good to be true and he is scared that his Jaejoongie will fade away once he wraps his arms around that petite body. That his Jaejoongie is only his imagination.

Yunho slowly sneaks his hands around Jaejoong and feels happy that he doesn't fade away. Jaejoong hugs him back as his hands circle around Yunho's shoulders. Yunho rests his head on Jaejoong's shoulders as if he is tired. The cold and strong facade is broken once he snuggles to Jaejoong. His expression loosened and Yunho looks exactly like a happy little boy as the tough mask is gone. Yunho smells the vanilla scent on Jaejoong and some scent that is new to him, that is never on Jaejoong before but Yunho doesn't mind because it somewhat makes him calm.

Suddenly he really feels tired. Tired of the fake strength he shows to people, tired to pretend that he has moved on with his life when he's not. Because he can't without Jaejoong. But now he's happy, that Jaejoong has come back, no matter 'what' he is. Yunho doesn't care as long as he's Jaejoong.

Yunho tighten his arms around his wife. He never feels this safe, this comfort, this calm, before. It feels like he has been found after lost for a month. Like a lost kid who finally found his home.

Yunho pulls away, even he doesn't want to but he wants to see his wife's face.

He caresses Jaejoong's face, from his forehead along to his jaw. "Jaejoongie..." his voice comes with a great admiration paints on Yunho's face.

 _My husband..._ Jaejoong's voice is soft, more like a whisper. It's so beautiful and light, like a jingle of a bell at somewhere far, but quickly gone with the wind.

"I miss you so much, baby-ah..." Yunho cups both of Jaejoong's cheeks and kiss him tenderly on the lips.

 _Me too, Yunnie..._ Jaejoong says between the kisses.

"Why did you do this to me, Joongie?"

Jaejoong's hands starts sneaks to Yunho's hair, pulls him closer. _Do what, Yunnie?_

"You've chained my heart and stolen it from me. So when you gone, I don't have anything left beside this body. I can't move on. I can't even forget you if it just for a second," Yunho tilts Jaejoong's head so he can kiss him deeper.

 _I'm sorry, Yunnie-ah. I've made you promised_

"You just don't want to see me with another person, do you?"

 _Yes, Yunnie. I don't want you to have a heart to love other person beside me. So I take it away with me_

"You're so selfish. Now I can't stop loving you forever,"

 _That's good. Because I can't too..._

Yunho pulls away from the kiss and rests his forehead against Jaejoong. "Stay here, Jaejoongie..."

Jaejoong closes his eyes. His expression shows like he's crying and in pain but there's no single tear escape.

 _I can't_

"Then take me away with you," 'I want to be with you, Jaejoongie'

 _Soon, love. In the afterlife. Soon..._

Yunho hugs Jaejoong again. He feels more calm after Jaejoongie said that. Soon, he will join his love. Yunho rests his head on Jaejoong's shoulders. He pecks the creamy white neck and closes his eyes with a smile plasters on his lips.

Unbeknownst to him, the people at the park are staring at a person who is standing near the swing. The person's hands wraps around nothing while his eyes closes and he smiles like he's in peace. They whisper with each other about him and his tragic love story with his late lover that used to occupy the swing. Sympathy can be read by their faces as they have no heart to wake the man from whatever he's in now. The little piece of happiness since the death of his wife.

'Maybe, just maybe,' they thinks. 'It's his wife whom he's embracing now.'

Because they know, the handsome guy who they know as Yunho can only be this happy if only he is with his beautiful wife.

He arrives at the apartment at 4.52 p.m. and he must prepare now if he wants to arrive before dinner. Yunho walks to the fridge to catch a drink when he unintentionally see a piece of paper that stucked on the fridge. He knows very well the cute handwriting on the paper.

'Today's schedule:

6.30 wake up and prepare Yunnie's breakfast 3

9.00 got to Ranch Market to buy beef, tofu, mushroom,

Onion, garlic, orange juice, milk, whatever stuffs we need

10.00 clean the house and do the laundry

12.00 Junsu said he'll come. Make sure he won't mess up our house

Escpecially mine and Yunnie's bedroom XD

17.30 start making dinner! Yunnie said he'll be home early today

n I want to make him his favorite kimchi jiggae~ 3'

Yunho's eyes brimming with tears. That is the last today's schedule that Jaejoong wrote before he collapsed and never wake up. He snatches the paper and tores it into pieces. This is why he hates to be in his own house. There's just so many things that remembering him of Jaejoong. Every fucking single thing. And Yunho is sure, he can't be in his house without getting crazy.

Yunho storms into the bathroom. He harshly unbuttons his shirt and throws it away. He walks to the sink and looks at his own reflection on the mirror. He touches his face featherly. From his huge eye bags below his eyes until the stubles around his mouth as he haven't shaved for several consecutive days. Now he knows why almost every people who meet him always throw that 'symphaty looks' on him. If he were them, maybe he would do the same too. Who wouldn't be pity at him? Jung Yunho, whose looks as handsome as actors, with a tall well-builted body, bright smile and good atittude now only a man who looks too old for his age, thin body and great sadness on his face. Yunho washes his face with water. He does it again and again until his hair becomes wet. He places his wet forehead against the mirror.

Yunho pants heavily. His breath forms a small fog on the surface. He can't live like this, he thinks as he tries to steady his breath.

'I will never be able to love someone again and move on,'

Yunho draws a tiny heart with the tip of his finger onto the foggy surface.

'His love will always hunt me,'

"Jaejoongie..." he whispers into the thin air.

Yunho fills the bathtub with hot water. But it's too hot, so he adds more cold water. But then it becomes too cold for his liking so Yunho gives up. Before, it was always Jaejoong who set up his bathtub. Whenever Yunho felt tired from working, he would fill the tub with warm water for Yunho's liking and after that he obidiently massaged his shoulders before he went to sleep.

It's been a month but he still can't set up his water like Jaejoongie did. He feels so desperate. He needs his Jaejoongie now, to soothe him, to calm like before, like he did at the park.

Yunho doesn't want this. He doesn't want to live a life like this. He loves his Jaejoongie too much it kills him slowly. He even can't stand a second without remember him. Yunho still can remember his last day, before he died. How his angel was longing for him, after a week in comatose. How beautiful he was crying, when they both realized that there's no chance. And how he breathed his last breath. Those were too much for him too bear. It's like his heart is broken everytime he remembers that and it's scattered into thousands pieces that he'd never be able to collect it again. He can't never be complete.

Yunho walks back to his bedroom and grabs his iPod. He takes off his pants and boxer and slips into the water. He put the earphone on his ear. The playlist plays a song that he hasn't hear it for so long. He can't even remember that he has this song on his playlist. Maybe just because the song is too sad.

Then the intro comes. It's a beautiful melody from a piano.

Yunho's eyes spot a razor blade near the bathtub. He reaches out his hand to take it. He brings it to his wrist and slits his skin.

Painful.

But he doesn't care.

From the earphone, the singer who is a woman starts to sing her first line from the song.

 _I was so tired of being here..._

Yunho slits his skin again. This time is more deeper than the first as the red liquid flooding from the cut.

 _Supressed by_ _all of my childish fears_

Yunho frowns as he he try to bear the pain.

'It's nothing,' Yunho tells to himself. 'It's nothing compared the pain I feel'

 _And if you have to live, I wish that you would just leave_

Yunho shakes his head vigorously when he hears the lyrics. 'No, Jaejoongie. Don't leave me,'

 _Cause your presence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone_

Yunho whimpers. But he draws another cut on his skin.

The water become red...

 _This wounds won't seem to heal. This pain is just too real. There's just so much that time cannot erase_

Suddenly flashes of memories comes flooding into him. Jaejoongie was eating his vanilla ice cream..

His soft laughter rings on his ear. Jaejoong stared at him with a smile graced on his lips.

"Let me feed you, Yunnie... hm?"

 _When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

"Yunnie... " he could hear him sobs. "Why is everyone against us? What did we do wrong?!" Jaejoong cried uncontrollably. Yunho cupped the later wet cheeks and kissed the tears away.

"We didn't do anything wrong, Joongie. We just happened to fall in love,"

 _When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears_

"Calm down, Jaejoongie. They can't hurt you nor us,"

"But I'm scared,"

"And I'm here to protect you,"

 _And I've held your hand through all of these years_

They were holding hands in public. They knew that society was against their relationship. But they couldn't care enough. As long as they had each other, it'd be okay.

 _But you still have... all of me_

Yunho throws away the earphone. But the loud volume still makes the song be heard even though slightly.

His tears come running down his cheeks. The memories of them makes him hurt even more. Now, there's not only his wrist, it's also his heart that feels the pain. And the strong headache in his head makes it even worse.

 _You used to captivate me by your resonating light._

 _Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

Yunho rests his head on the side of the bathtub. His chest risen and sink as he finds it's hard to breath now. Yunho sobs hard.

"Jaejoongiee...!" he cries out loud.

 _Your face it haunts. My once pleasant dreams._

 _Your voice it chased away. All the sanity in me_

Yunho can tastes the saltiness of his tears that have slipped into his mouth. And the copper taste from the blood.

 _Blood?_

Yunho looks around and finds the whole water now colored red.

 _These wounds won't seem to heal. This pain is just too real._

 _There's just too much that time cannot erase_

Yunho never been this tired in his entire life. He feels like his strength has been sucked out. It's even hard for him to move a single muscle. His body feels so heavy...

 _When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears._

 _When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears_

Yunho feels like sleeping. His sight becomes so blur and his lids feel so heavy like his body... that's the time when he hears someone is calling for him.

 _Yunnie-ah..._

"Jaejoongie...?" Yunho try his best to focus. In his blur sight, he can still see a blur sight of a person with black hair and dresses in all white near him. He can't see the person's face, but Yunho knows it's his Jaejoongie. He still can feel him.

 _And I've held your hands through all of these years._

 _And you still have... all of me_

 _We meet again, love. I come for you..._ Jaejoong's soft voice rings into his ear.

That's the last sentence Yunho can hear before he feels too much tired. A beautiful smile paints on Yunho's lips. He's happy that finally he can meet his lover once again. And he is in peace because Jaejoong is the last person he sees. And he knows, that Jaejoong will guide him somewhere, where there's only the two of them. A place where is no sadness, judgement, and sorrow. Just happiness.

Yunho closes his eyelids and breathes for the last time before his lifeless body drowned into the pool of red.

'Jaejoongie, I'm coming'

Meantime, a voice from mailbox can be heard from the living room of their apartment.

Jaejoong's soft voices echoes through the apartment.

' _Annyeong, this is Yunnie and Jaejoongie. Sorry, we're busy at the moment. You can leave a message after the sound, 'beeep'_ *giggles* _thanks!'_

Beep.

'Yo, Yunho. It's almost 6 p.m already. Where are you? if you don't come in five minutes, I'll kick your butt. Haha... *nervous laugh* ... please come, okay?'

He can't believe this. Hours ago, they're still talking on the phone yet here, he is dead. His hand busy rubbing on Junsu's back that still in his shock state. Yoochun closes his eyes tightly and throws away his gaze. He can't stand to see his bestfriend's lifeless body. It hurts him badly.

"Sir," a police comes to him and bows lightly. Yoochun bows back at him as formality.

"Sir, we found that the cause of his death is because of suicide. He cut his wrist with razor blade and got much of blood loss,"

Yoochun hates how relax the police says this things to him. He wants to punch his face. 'That dead body you said is my bestfriend, dammit!'

"This is happened around 5.00 until 6.30 when you came and found him,"

Yoochun really wants to cover his ears.

"You said you're his bestfriend, right?" the police asks. Yoochun answers him with a slight mumble, 'yeah'.

"Then come with me, I want to show you something," the police gestures him to follow. He stops beside his bestfriend's body that covered with a white blanket.

Yoochun can't help but open the white blanket to reveal the pale blueish face of Yunho. Even though he is dead, Yoochun feels a bit relieved to know that Yunho died with a smile. 'He must be very happy to meet Jaejoong again'.

"Do you know what this mean?" the police shows his Yunho's left wrist that full with many cuts. But among them, some cuts were craved deeper and it seems like they formed some words.

"This is still mysterious for us. Mr. Jung's suicide absolutely had a connection with these words. What does _YUNJAE_ mean? Why did he craved them onto his skin? Do you possibly know that, Mr. Park?" the police asks.

And for once, Yoochun feels like breaking down.

1 year later...

The busy life of the hospital is added with crying of a cute bundle of joy that has been carried around for the past hour in his parents arms.

"Ssshhh... appa's baby don't cry, ne?" Yoochun tries to soothing his baby cries. "Su-ah, he's so cute like you~" he cooes the baby.

"Aish, you sweet-talker," Junsu grinned. He stares down at the infant in his arms with loving eyes. "What should we name him, Chunnie?" he asks.

Yoochun just stares at his baby as he's thinking about the baby's name.

"What about Inhwan? Or Jiwoon? No, Inhwan sounds cuter..." Junsu blabbers.

And then Yoochun smiles. He moves closer to his lover and his baby.

"No, Su-ah, we will name him... " he kisses his baby's forehead tenderly.

"Yunjae..."

 _I was so tired of being here..._

 _Supressed by_ _all of my childish fears_

 _And if you have to live, I wish that you would just leave_

 _Cause your presence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone_

 _This wounds won't seem to heal. This pain is just too real._

 _There's just so much that time cannot erase_

 _When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

 _When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears_

 _And I've held your hand through all of these years_

 _But you still have... all of me_

 _You used to captivate me by your resonating light._

 _Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

 _Your face it haunts. My once pleasant dreams._

 _Your voice it chased away. All the sanity in me_

 _This wounds won't seem to heal. This pain is just too real._

 _There's just so much that time cannot erase_

 _When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

 _When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears_

 _And I've held your hand through all of these years_

 _But you still have... all of me_

 _(My Immortal-Evanscence)_

A/N : Finally! It's finished!

Aaaahh~ feels so accomplished right now.

Honestly,this chapter was so frustrating me. I thought it was easier because all I have to do is 'kill Yunnie' *evil laughs*

But in fact, it was hard to do...

I must set the right mood, or I can't write at all. And to imagine Yunho kills himself in the bathtub scares the hell out of me. Really.

And it turns out not like I've been expected! It doesn't emotional at all~

But I still hope that you, my readers, to comment.

Because I need them so much to brighten my day!

Thanks! Please leave a comment~


End file.
